Before I tear into the meat of this, let me just go on record by stating that having a strong female character who chooses to wear little is fine. It’s okay. Go for it! I know plenty of women who play video games who choose armor that reveals more because, let’s be honest, it’s fantasy. They enjoy it! And that’s fine! I’ve heard the argument that women should be allowed to wear armor like that because it expresses their feminine side and accentuates whatever it is that they wish to show. And again, that’s totally fine. If a woman wants to dance around in revealing armor, that’s her business and we have no right to argue one way or the other if it’s right or wrong.

The point that I’m trying to make is that there needs to be choice. The option for near-nudity juxtaposed with the option for a full suit of armor with nothing but eyes – if even that much – peeking out? Awesome, perfect. Sure, a good portion of the player base will pick the skimpy armor, but the option to cover up is always there.

Which brings me to the abomination I tripped across earlier in April.

One of the many merchants in the game; she was the most clothed one I could find.

There’s no way to try to dance around this subject, so I’ll just cut right to it. I played the most god-awful game I have ever picked up. It was done as a joke, but the joke got long in the tooth and wore out its welcome way before it got funny. If you’ve been around the internet any in the past couple months, you’ve probably seen Scarlet Blade advertised. If not, congratulations, I envy you. No, don’t go look it up.

If there was a list of seven deadly sins in video games, I’m pretty sure that this game violates at least a couple of them. More than a couple.

1) The gameplay is horrendous. It’s choppy, obtuse and downright boring. I don’t care if you’re going to argue the Korean/East Asian MMO vs. American MMO style, Scarlet Blade is a grind-happy grindfest. It’s boring, it’s repetitive and it’s clunky. The controls are crap, the AI is crap, and SB takes the cake for being the best representative of the ‘I kick your shins, you kick my shins’ gameplay I’ve ever seen.

2) The sound effects grate. There’s maybe three or four sound effects in the game that actually play, and they are awful. The voice acting (what voice acting there is, because almost all of the story is told through giant blobs of text that get barfed onto your screen at random intervals) is cringe-worthy and overly sexualized to the point of being physically painful to listen to. It honestly sounds like they hired a bunch of adult movie stars to voice the lines.

3) This is the biggest one. This is the one that has me cringing in my seat every time I think about it. The… I don’t even have a word for it. I really don’t. I want to call it armor, I want to call it clothing, I want to call it… well, something at least. But there’s no term for it. Even “swimwear” is a bit generous. Next-to-nudity?

When you’re making your character (which is, near as I can tell, a couple balloons nailed to a fence post) you get to choose your armor. Which is pointless, since you end up not wearing any to begin with. The game then makes you choose your lingerie. Just… let that sink in for a moment.

Scarlet Blade makes you choose what you want to wear under your armor. One of the options is nothing. You can pay money – real money – to completely undress your character.

Not that Scarlet Blade gives you a lot to begin with…

Nude. Nada. Nothing. Not a stitch of clothing on her. And yes, it’s her – male characters don’t exist in this game, save as overly lecherous NPCs that spend their time trying to get into your character’s pants. Just thinking about it makes my brain hurt. The in-game armor is a pittance anyway, consisting of (at most) a C-string and some pasties.

So, in recap. Bad gameplay, horrible sound, godawful character design, incredibly sexualized female characters, highly-biased and pig-like male NPCs. Honestly, I keep wanting to tell myself that this game is some high-brow parody on the society that we live in, where women are only viewed for their sex appeal and men are nothing but sex-driven slobs who wish to exploit them. And the game even tries to take that route, giving your character a very standoffish personality, a loud mouth and slipping in a few moments of glimmering humanity.

I really want to sit here and justify playing the game by calling it something along the lines of art and that I just wasn’t enough of a connoisseur to pick up the finer details. Maybe the gameplay could be excused because the game was making a statement?

Nope. Not a hope. The game is just what I described above. Who, at any point of the creative process, sat back and looked at everything they had written and designed and said ‘this is a fantastic idea’? And why wasn’t this person immediately sectioned? If the game took on a much deeper sense of irony and used it to levy the flaws in our current society, I would be totally okay with defending both the developers and those people who decide to play the game.

In the future, all I ask is that game developers are forced to play through the first couple hours of this monstrosity. Hopefully something like this never surfaces again. I feel dirty even having played this game as some cruel, self-referential joke.

I feel dirty even calling it a game.

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Every time I go back to Terraria, the first thing that makes me smile is the delightful music, it’s reminiscent of retro chiptunes. Much like the music from Super Mario Brothers, it never gets old and transitions into a suitable tone for each environment you find yourself in. Composed by Scott Lloyd Shelly and available here. The next thing to make me smile is the world that I’ve created (alongside friends). You get a sense of being “home” when you load it up. I highly doubt any other player has a world like ours, not because we think we are the best builders the game has ever seen (we are not), because we made it our own. Some people wouldn’t see a hill and think “that looks like a T-rex” and proceed to give it a top hat and a cup of tea, but we did and that’s why it feels like home!

There are many detailed guides out there to help you figure things out, there is even a guide in game (an NPC) but here are the basics. Once you have your character, you can create a world (small, medium, large). You’ll be spawned into this newly generate world with nothing but a sword, a pickaxe, a regular axe, and a pocket full of ideas (you have to bring your own pocket full). The Guide will be wondering around near by and that is about it. You will have to dig a few blocks up, chop a free trees down and make a home for yourself to get started. Once you have your first basic house built, some of the core mechanics of the game have already been learnt. Being a slum lord can be fun but you probably want to build some thing more grand. You have to go forth and find better blocks and upgrade your building equipment to do so. Put on your Indiana Jones hat (there is actually such a hat in the game) and go exploring!

As you plot to kit your character out in the best gear and build the biggest and baddest home, Terraria still happens. There are big boss battles to have, goblin armies to defeat, blood moons to hide in the corner from (or is that just me?) and a few other things. This is all just the tip of the iceberg and I don’t want to spoil all of the surprises. If you like the idea of building a base block by block, roaming around discovering all kinds or treasures and killing the bad guys…what are you waiting for? There is also a PvP mode but unfortunately I have never played on a PvP server and therefore can’t really comment on that.

It was first released in May 2011 and has received a few updates and patches along the way. In February 2012 it was announced that the Re-Logic team was no longer going to develop the game. Drum roll, trumpets, fanfare…UNTIL NOW!

NEW THINGS!!

As of January this year, Andrew Spinks, the main man behind Terraria had requested suggestions from the community for a possible future update. It has since been confirmed several times that there is indeed an update coming for the PC version and from the sounds of it, it’s pretty big. First thing to get out of the way is, it’s free, because that’s just how Re-Logic does things. Second thing to get out of the way is, this update is so big that I simply can not cover all of the new delicious things that will be coming our way in one post, however, I will try!

The following information is based on spoilers provided by the Re-Logic team and some assumptions from the Terraria community. New Biomes have been confirmed. We have seen a new Ice Biome above and underground. As far as I know, there has not been any other brand new Biomes mentioned but some of the existing ones are getting updated. For example, the sky islands will now have cloud blocks and even rain clouds. The jungle will gain cactus people and cactus homes. The Hallow and The Corruption are changing, the exact details haven’t been given but the indication is, players will no longer have to worry about them. Implying that they either will no longer spread through the world in hardmode or perhaps a new item will prevent the spread. Hardmode in general is being revamped.

There will be new blocks and changes to some existing ones. Most intriguing to me is the half block, created, we are told, by hitting any block with a hammer. Although I’m not sure what it will be useful for, yet, I’m intrigued to find out. Unsurprisingly from the new Ice Biome we will get ice blocks. There was also mention of Platinum and Tungsten blocks. A few other adjustments have been made, you can now walk over the height of one block. It doesn’t sound like much but when you were running along, without a care in the world, only to be stopped by one tiny block…it was a little bit annoying. With the new changes it seems like moving across the world will be a  lot smoother.

Fear not you killing machines, there is also new things to poke, shoot and otherwise maim. Things such as turtles (they are mean so its ok), ice elementals, viking skeletons and the possibility of 2-4 new boss enemies. Enemies will now have health bars as well, that will change color depending on their health percentage.

Of course if you have new things to kill you will want new weapons and new weapons ye shall have! I’m starting to feel a little bit like a person in an infomercial reading “…but wait there is more!”. The details of the new weapons are pretty vague, but some have been seen in spoiler screenshots and others have just been mentioned in the official Terraria IRC by a dev. We may or may not have some of the following: a rocket launcher, beamsword, new hook, mushroom spear, hammash, light disc weapon, snowballs and new variations of existing weapons.

Say it with me this time “…but wait there is more!”. There has also been mention of mini pets, mounts, vanity items, new armor, new banners, new furniture, moss, a possible barber NPC, slime invasions, rainbow brick, healing class, new wings, new events, dyes and fireworks. The fireworks are apparently the 1000th item to be added to the game, not sure what the current total is but I have a feeling a large chunk of that number will be in the massive 1.2 update.

In summary, lots of new things are coming so brace yourselves. The estimated time of arrival for this update is currently some time in June or July. To get latest information about Terraria 2.1 head over to the official Terraria community website terrariaonline.com.

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Howl grabbed a room at the great lodge stowed his gear and went looking for his old war band. Howl was happy to be out of his armor and had changed into his town cloths. His muscles ached from the long trek from Snowden Drifts to Hoelbrak and he was looking forward to sitting next to a fire and having a nice hot meal.  He headed for the top balcony in the trade commons and it didn’t take him long to find a few members from his old war band. He didn’t recognize the young female charr but he did recognize Yahuk and the elementalist motioned for him to come over. “Well I haven’t seen your mangy pelt in awhile, how’s the life of a bookworm?”  Howl didn’t say anything as he went over to the two charr and the female next to Yahuk sniffed and said “Gladium” and before Howl could even respond to the insult Yahuk smacked the younger charr across the snout and said “This is no gladium that stands before you. He holds the rank of legionnaire and long before you became a part of this war band he was the one who commanded us. He personally saved me from the Flame Legion and you will show him due respect. He may wear the Priory’s trappings but he is and will always be a legionnaire of the Ash legion.” The young charr looked at Yahuk and then at Howl saying “I apologize legionnaire I did not see any rank and assumed….” But before she could finish Howl simply looked at her and said “You’re dismissed.” and the younger charr bowed her head and headed down the stairs. The two watched her go down the stairs and out of sight and Yahuk and Howl grabbed a table.

“What brings you out to Hoelbrak? I thought they had you guarding some ancient tomes and dusting books in some library.” Howl looked over at Yahuk and said “Well when someone from the war band was asked to take the assignment of becoming a Priory member I did have a dilemma on my hands since none of the rest of you could read at the time. Besides I was getting tired of always having to rescue your sorry hide.” The two looked at each other and laughed and then ordered a few drinks and something to eat. Howl looked at Yahuk as they drank waiting for their meal and said “Weren’t you a little hard on the cub back there? I know I heard you two arguing before I spotted you.” Yahuk just grunted and said “Bah, the fahrar was much harder and molded real warriors when I was a cub.” Howl looked over at him and said “You’re a little gray under the muzzle there are you sure you can even remember the fahrar?” Yahuk almost spit his drink out and said “Damn, it’s good to see you Howl. Honestly how have you been and when are you coming back to the citadel were you belong?” Howl told him that he was actually enjoying his time wandering around Tyria and the two caught up on old times as they ate their meal and drank a few more ales.

Howl wasn’t sure how long the two of them sat talking but an hour or so afterward Samona and Euryale joined them. Euryale had replaced Howl as their legionnaire and Samona even seemed to have been given a promotion as well judging by the insignia on her armor. When they first spotted Howl and Yahuk talking, Euryale had to throw a few insults at Howl and then sat down giving him another drink of ale and telling him to fill her in on everything that had happened since he had left the legions. She also winked at him and said “That’s an order”. The two of them and been together since Howl’s first command as a legionnaire and after the assault on Barradin’s tomb the two of them had been the only survivors of the original war band. They had built the war band back up and after Howl had accepted his new position within the Priory he had promoted Euryale to legionnaire and she had taken control of the war band. Howl felt bad about playing stupid as to why they were here but it was good to see his old band mates. He wanted so much to at least tell Euryale why he had accepted the position at the Priory but he knew he couldn’t take the chance with that information even though he knew she would still give her life to protect anyone within the war band, be it past or present. She still looked at him as a brother but in the time he had spent away from the war band he could see a change in how she carried herself and command seemed to fit her really well. He was glad that she had been approved to carry on the war band when he left.

As the night dragged on and they all sat around talking about the old days the subject of why they were actually here did pop up and Euryale said they were suppose to assist some Priory magister with capturing some Svanir shaman. Howl acted like he was surprised and said “You guys are the war band they sent to assist me?” and they in turn all looked at him in shock and started to laugh. Euryale said “At least I won’t be babysitting some wanna be half skilled warrior who thinks they can actually fight.” Samona and Yahuk both said “It’s going to be like old times and you’ll get to boss Euryale around once again.” Euryale looked at the two as they were laughing and they both went silent from her stare and she turned looked at Howl and said “What exactly does the Priory need with my war band?” Howl ordered more food for everyone and filled them all in on what he actually knew at this point and told them in a few days that Gixx himself would hold a meeting and inform everyone involved. None of them seemed to like the idea of an Asura being in charge of anything but they did seem to be at ease when Howl assured them that the mission would be under his command and he alone would be the one that they were reporting too. That seemed to ease the tension about everything and Howl knew that they had been given orders from the top which he had helped to generate using his secret connections with his aunt. The night slowly gave way to an early morning sunrise and the four charr continued to talk and share tales of battles and filled Howl in on what the war band had been doing since he left. The war band had been given several special assignments and Euryale said they had been given several covert operations and joint activities with other races over the past year. Howl was certain his aunt had had a hand to play in all of that as well but he was glad to have his old war band at his side for what he was about to do.

Howl knew that the Svanir group he was after were not the ones that had killed his mother but he still planned on exacting some revenge none the less. Gixx would have his shaman and he would be alive but as to what condition he was delivered in Howl didn’t really care as long as he was breathing. Snowclaw joined them the next night and Euryale seemed to enjoy herself trading stories with the norn and Howl was sure there were a few stories that were being told he would just rather not know about. Snowclaw had been a friend of his since childhood and she meant just as much to Howl as his old band mates. She did however have a care free way about her that Howl liked. She was just as good as any warrior he had ever served with but she also seemed to be able to set aside the warrior and enjoy life to its fullest. He envied that about her. He on the other hand was always looking over his shoulder wondering when the lies and stories he was living would catch up with him. He believed as his aunt did that the dragons poised a much bigger threat then the humans or squabbling with the other legions. For now he would just have to continue what he was doing and wait until the time was right to reveal the truth. If he had learned anything in the past few years though it was that the truth was often the first causality of war. Perhaps that was what he enjoyed about the Priory was their search for knowledge and the truth. They either proved something to be incorrect or documented the truth and he respected that.

The briefing and meeting with Gixx the following day was brief and to the point much as Howl predicted. A very powerful and corrupt Shaman had taken up residence in Solitude Vale not far from Crossroads Haven. Apparently he had learned to use some sort of dragon magic and was making abominations out of the local norn. Gixx had said that several of the abominations were reported to have been double the size of a normal norn. Only a few had been encountered so far and it was believed that the shaman had not quite fully harnessed the corrupt dragon power and the Lion Guard wanted a stop put to it before matters got out of hand. Howl knew Gixx wasn’t telling him everything but he did mention the fact the shaman had to be alive several times and seemed to look directly at Howl every time he said that. The Priory didn’t go around helping the Lion Guard and both Howl and Snowclaw had been with the Priory long enough to know that.

Howl lead his old war band up into Solitude Vale and wanted to get a look at the encampment before they moved on to Crossroads Haven. Euryale had ordered some supplies to be delivered there and Howl was certain it wasn’t something they had wanted to carry themselves all the way from Hoelbrak. She told Howl that Samona had a few new inventions she was eager to try and that the Sons of Svanir would make excellent test subjects. Howl figured the crazy old engineer was just itching to try out some new explosives or a new rifle she always seemed to be tinkering with. Euryale pointed out a few of the patrols she was able to spot from their hidden location and her and Howl discussed a battle plan for entering the encampment. Howl stood up looking at the encampment knowing that the mesmer’s magic would keep him invisible and he took one last look at the encampment and where he would strike. He motioned for the group to follow him down the hill and they headed to Crossroads Haven to get any additional information they could from the Lion Guard and pick up the war bands gear. Howl would capture that shaman and he planned to bring war to every other part of that encampment.

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There are countless examples of the wonderful and creative fan art players have produced and we would like to highlight some of the work we have come across. All of the images belong to their respective creators (as listed). Click on the thumbnails below to view each image and link.

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He gained a wide variety of skills and developed many contacts and close friends with the norn before he himself returned to the Black Citadel. It wasn’t exactly a happy home coming and it came shortly after his mother was slain by Son’s of Svanir while escorting a cavern. He still remembered the tribune which had came to Hoelbrak to pay respects to his mother and had enlisted his help in the legions. He had been told that his mother and father’s bloodlines made him a descendant of the original Khan-Ur. Howl knew this meant he would be a target for assassins and those within the legions who would promote their own over others. It had been decided after his father had died that he and his mother be protected from the other legions and their identities remain secret. So most of Howl’s childhood had begun within the hills as a lie and he wasn’t sure what he should do at the time. He later learned that the tribune that had unveiled his family’s history had been Malice Swordshadow herself and that he was her nephew which made his mother her sister. They struck a plan to hide Howl’s identity and he was placed within a war band where he was eventually promoted to legionnaire. Howl, having grown up pretty much free of the squabbles and politics within the legions had a hard time fitting in and many times had to bust a few heads to eventually gain the respect he deserved. It wasn’t easy knowing that his blood made him able to obtain the highest ranks within the legions and he was serving in a far lesser capacity. His aunt assured him that it was imperative that not everyone who was descended of their bloodline should be known by the other legions so some were put in the spot light and politics of the Black Citadel and others were protected and their true bloodlines disguised.

Howl was eventually given an assignment and joined the Durmand Priory. His war band was left in command to his second and although he had grown to love and view them as his brothers and sisters he never really did fit in there and gladly took the assignment. Still a member of the Ash legion, he worked within the priory where knowledge and subterfuge became his weapons. His aunt was responsible for the peace treaty between the charr and humans and he believed as she did that there were other threats that needed to be dealt with besides a century-old war. The dragons had awakened and changed Tyria and the face of the land was being changed by their corrupted powers. Howl was happy to be placed with the Priory and the guardian within him proved by an asset that they always seemed to find a good use for. Most members were scholars and book worms and Howl served as their muscle and protection.

“Howl are you going to stand there and day dream all day or help me?” The short little asuran said. “Listen short round, I’m here to see the grawl don’t sneak up and eat you, not serve as a brainless assistant”. “Fine, Fine, Fine!“ The asuran spat as he glared at Howl. “Someone get my pack, I need my tools” the asuran said still glaring at Howl. Howl just glared back at the impatient scholar and nodded to the other guard who was at the front of the cavern. Howl was still upset that the asuran had ran into the area and not let him and his team secure the area when the cave entrance had come into sight. His desire to see the altar first hand and what might lie beneath it seemed to over-ride his own sense of self preservation. Howl caught movement out of the corner of his eye as he watched the second entrance to the cave. Before he could yell out a warning the guard returning to the dolyak to retrieve the explorer’s tools was struck in the chest with an arrow. Several grawl had come over the snow covered hill and were running toward the cave. Howl thought the asura had wide eyes to begin with but the scholar’s eyes seemed to double in size when he turned and looked out the cave and realized what was happening. Howl cast his incantation at the exact moment the grawl released their next volley of arrows and the magical protection caused the arrows to bounce harmlessly off the invisible shield. He shoved the little asuran to the ground and behind the altar and placed himself in front of the now crying scholar who was babbling something about how his genius was going to be cut short. Howl didn’t have time to pay much attention to anything he was saying and years of training within the legions took over. He cast his next incantations and a ghostly sword and hammer appeared in the air and he rushed his oncoming adversaries. There were four grawl out the front and Howl cut them down as fast as they had the guard returning to their dolyaks. Snowclaw his friend and partner had changed into a snow leopard and had quickly finished the grawl who had approached from the other entrance.

The norn had changed back out of leopard form and was coming around to assist Howl but the fight was over as soon as she rounded the corner. She saw the look on Howl’s face and placed herself between Howl and the altar. “Howl” she said as she backed up toward the snivelling asuran scholar. “Howl we need him”. The little asuran scholar had lifted his head up and saw Howl coming to the cave and yelled “Don’t let that brute near me, Snowclaw.” She turned and glared at the asuran not saying a word. She walked toward Howl and placed a hand on his shoulder which he knocked aside and continued toward the cave entrance. She then grabbed his shoulder more forceful turning him around to face her. “No Howl, he is the only one we have which can get by the magical protections on that altar. I’ll talk to Gixx when we get back, this will be his last field assignment and I’ll make sure he never leaves the priory and stays in a library.” Howl glared at his friend and looked back at the other dead charr lying on the ground. He hadn’t known him long but Howl had respected the older charr’s wisdom and had grown to like him over the past several weeks of their trip in the Drifts. “Have him get his pack and before he touches that altar have him bury him or I’ll make sure he never uses his hands again. He’ll still arrive in one piece but a little damaged”. The little asuran scholar didn’t even have to be told by Snowclaw what to do and headed toward the dolyaks giving Howl a wide berth as he grabbed his pack and went about what was required. Howl returned to the entrance and the rest of the evening went by uneventful. The little asuran scholar extracted a tome from under the altar the grawl had redecorated with skulls and some shinny piece of metal. The location of the altar itself according Gixx meant it might be a dwarven priest’s burial tome and his research had been right on the mark.

They proceeded to Scholar’s Cleft during the next few days were Howl was to turn over the book to one of the priory scholars there. He wasn’t much for staying in a library but he did value the knowledge and discoveries that the Priory had made. He found himself reading books within the priory’s vast libraries at times and was surprised at times to find much of it very useful. He still couldn’t bring himself to make very many friends with most of the asurans as most of them were reckless and many of their ventures just turned into disasters. Although they were very intelligent Howl found most of them didn’t have much in the way of common sense. He had to admit though that being an explorer in the priory was giving him a chance to see Tyria and he did enjoy making discoveries which helped others. He used his knowledge and training with the legions to help support and protect many of the priory’s explorations. Knowledge was power and Howl was going to amass as much as he could.

As they approached the path which lead up to Scholar’s Cleft the asuran let out a sigh of relief “Finally I’m here and out of this dreaded weather were I can help translate the writings of this tome. I…” Howl turned and glared at the small scholar and he looked up at Howl and finished “I… I’m grateful you were here to help me explorer Howl and you Snowclaw”. He then turned and stared at the ground as they walked up the hill to the small building the priory used. Snowclaw smiled at Howl and said “That wasn’t nice”. Howl just sniffed and headed toward the stable to tend to the dolyaks while his partner and the asuran went inside. He never liked listening to the ranting and large words the asura used when explaining things. He often thought they could say what they meant in a much shorter amount of time then what they took to say something which required only a few words and not some presentation of their brilliance”. Howl spend a good while in the stables with the dolyaks and talking to the stable hands and made quite sure the initial conversations about this trip were over with before he headed inside.

When he went inside Snowclaw motioned for him to come and sit with her at a table where she had a mug of ale waiting for him. Howl was surprised to find that Gixx himself was also present and talking with her. He sat down and Gixx immediately congratulated him on a successful venture and offered his condolences for the loss of life during the exploration. “It’s something that often happens but he died bringing us a possible cure for a strange sickness which is affecting people in Wayfarer Foothills”. “What, I haven’t heard anything about that”? Howl replied looking at Gixx. “Well of course you wouldn’t have it only affects a small amount of people and it’s believed to be tied to the corruption of dragon magic used by a few Sons of Svanir. The particular book you uncovered was from a dwarven priest and contains……” Howl glared at Gixx “Well…. yes you’ve never concerned yourself about the particulars have you? Needless to say I’ll require your set of unique skills and I’m promoting you and Snowclaw both to the rank of Magister. I want you to assemble a team and bring me a particular Svanir Shaman and Howl I need him alive”. Howl looked at Gixx with an astonished expression on his face. It was one of both confusion and anger. Gixx continued his small speech seeing Howl’s expression and Snowclaw choked on her ale. “You’re promoting both of us to Magister”? “Yes.. I can’t do everything and you two are capable enough to handle yourselves and follow orders”. He looked at Howl and said “Assemble a team of no more than six people and meet me in Hoelbrak when you’re ready, and Howl I do need that shaman alive. I’m not concerned with the rest of them. Now if you excuse me I have a young scholar I need to send back to the priory to clean a few of the libraries”. Gixx muttered a few things as he left and the two new magisters sat drinking and eating while they planned to assemble their team.

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His hammer was not in its place on his back.  As he attempted to wring the water from his braided beard his hair fell back into his face, bringing his senses sharply into focus as he now realized he was without his helm as well. In the event he was being watched he did not want to appear panicked about his missing gear.  After all, any Norn could kill several men, Grawl, or even ogres without the use of a weapon.  He glanced around and could not suppress a smile when he saw his war hammer sticking out of the ground by its handle and atop it his helm.

“So it was you who so rudely awoke me from my slumber.” he said with a mighty bellowing laugh that caused the nearby tree to tremble, the wet snow to fall off in clumps to the ground.  An Asura stood leaning her shoulder against his gear lazily and seemingly unconcerned about the towering Norn.

“Sorry Bookah,” she said, “I tried to wake you conventionally, but when you wouldn’t stir I feared you were injured.  I almost left you for dead, until you began snoring and since this area is crawling with pirates just southwest below the snow line here, I thought you might be sleeping off too much ale or worse suffering from a head injury.  When I removed your helm, I saw the knot on your head and decided that melted snow would be my best bet for rousing you from your slumber.” she concluded, with the annoying self-righteous confidence that Asura are known for.

“So you removed my helm and somehow managed to pull the hammer from its straps on my back?  That must have taken incredible exertion little one.  I’m sure the hammer weighs more than you do.” he chuckled again.

“Don’t be absurd Bookah,” she replied, “I didn’t pull that hammer from your back, my minion did,” she said pointing behind him.

The Norn looked over his shoulder and shrugged at the sight of the Flesh Golem snorting and generally looking mindless.  “That would do it I suppose,” he said as he closed the gap between himself and the Asura in two long strides, “now if you’ll excuse me little one.”  he said, as he retrieved his helm and hammer.  Fitting snugly in the palm of his hand he could not suppress a wince as he placed the horned helm back on his head.  He had not noticed before but it was clear he had been struck in the head.  The blow was strong enough to have knocked him out, he suspected it must have been an ogre who struck him.  “No matter, I shall find the offending ogre and thrash him for his troubles, he will be lucky if I let him leave with his life.” the Norn boasted.

“ I’ve found no tracks to indicate an ogre had a hand in this Bookah.” the Asura replied haughtily.

Annoyed with being called Bookah for a second time the Norn spoke, “My friends call me Raven,” he said, “and let me worry about tracking the one who so cowardly attacked me.  Lornar’s Pass is well-known to me, the pirates give me wide birth and the dredge are only a threat to my knee caps.” he added.

“Very well Bookah… I mean Raven,” the Asura corrected at the glare coming from the towering Norn, “I am called Loola, my Krewe refer to me as Nix.” she added.

“Nix?”  he asked.  “That seems a funny name for an Asura.” he added, smiling at his new acquaintance.

“Well, it’s their way of trying to poke fun at me, as when I disagree with them in our research I am fond of saying, “Nix that,” she said using her hands to indicate quotation marks in the air to emphasize her point.

Raven laughed again, “And you let them get away with such jokes?”

The pale skin of her forehead wrinkled, “Let them get away with it?  I encourage it,” she replied, “because if I say it I am always right and they know this too.  I’ve even taken to signing my works with Nix as part of my name in the archives.” she giggled.

“Very well Nix, where are you headed?” Raven asked as he looked around for footprints.

“Still looking to extract a pound of flesh for whomever knocked you out?” Nix asked.

“You know it friend not to mention the silver I will need to fix this dent,” he said, wincing again as the knot on his head throbbed.  “The Smith in Venison Valley is a personal friend but still she doesn’t work for free and Norn-Steel is not easily dented so removing it will be costly.”

She shook her head, “You will find no tracks though there is still snow on the ground.  There is far too much rock to have left an impression.  I was just west of here a while ago helping Leandra fight off dredge, my minions and a few other travelers made short work of them.  When their ranks broke into retreat I entered Death Shroud to give chase and kill a few more,” she said smacking her open palm with a closed fist, the blood lust evident in her large Asuran eyes.

“That’s when I decided to get the lay of the land from that cliff face to the north,” she said pointing over her shoulder.  “My ears picked up on mechanic noise in this general area.  Judging by the noise, the conical impression to your Dolyak helm, the absence of blade impression and the knot on your head I’d say you were laid out by a Dredge Mining Suit who quickly tunneled away.” she stated all of this as fact not a mere hypothesis.

“You sound confident Nix,” Raven chided, “you’d make an excellent traveling companion for a Norn.  Come I see we are just north of Skylady’s Memory.  We can be at Vanjir’s Stead in the Venison Pass before lunch time.  Henrick always has excellent stew and I’m so hungry I could eat a Dolyak by myself.  Come!” he said beckoning to her as he strode away.

With the wave of her little hand and a slight green glow of necromantic energy the flesh golem crumpled to the ground.  She broke into a run and flipped landing deftly on the calf of the moving Norn, grabbed the haft of his hammer and sprang to perch on his shoulder.

“Looking for a free ride Nix?” he asked.

“It’s the least you can do Raven,” she said with a smirk, “who knows how light your purse might have been had those pirates found you and not me?”

His laugh was loud and echoed slightly louder than the sound of his large boots crunching in the snow and stone.  In no time at all they were out of the snowy foothills of Lornar’s Pass and into the valley below. As she clung to the Doylak horn of his helm she spoke directly into his ear, “Shouldn’t we maintain a westerly course along the road here and go by Guutra’s Homestead?   I noticed it on my map and despite its proximity to the lake and the pirates therein it would surely be safer than wandering so close to Grogshadow Kenning I’ve heard rumors the Jotun have been somewhat disgruntled as of late.” she recited as if she had just heard a town crier issue the news.

“Nix that, Nix,” Raven replied with a chuckle, chiding his new friend with his joke, “what your map seems to be missing is the green valley pass between us and the Jotun encampment.  I have a headache or I’d be more than happy to rumble with the Jotun, they are always good for a brawl or two.  So it seems your Asuran Cartographer failed to explore the entire region Nix.” he chuckled again.  “Besides that Guutra is a fickle one and unless you are of the Order of Whispers he refuses to let you in.  There is a way to let yourself in if you know the ways of the Order.  But, I do not do so unless it’s an emergency.  The Pact is fragile enough without borrowing trouble between the orders.”

“Nope, as it happens I bought this map from a human vendor in Lion’s Arch as I forgot to bring one from home.  As if an Asuran would ever make such an obvious mistake on something so simple as Cartography.” she declared.

“Of course not, because the Asura never cause any cataclysmic problems,” Raven said, “I was there in the Metrica Province shortly after the reactor meltdown and if I’m not mistaken, there is still an enormous fire elemental that randomly materializes there.” he said looking to his shoulder to see that Nix was listening.

“You must be Priory,” she said haughtily, “because it is only their studies that continue to bring that up.”

“As it happens friend, I am with the Priory, but I am not a scholar…” he began but was cut short.

“That much is apparent,” Nix interrupted, “a scholar wouldn’t have been up on that rock facing to begin with, well at least not without a dig crew and guards.”

Raven shrugged his shoulders with exaggeration to unseat his passenger.  She wavered but did not fall, “I guess you could say I am one of the enforcers of the group, if something needs my particular brand of negotiation to see our goals through then I’m the Norn to do it.” he said with a laugh.

Nix looked around and noticed that they were now in a narrow canyon carved between the foothills of the mountains that Raven had mentioned.  Her keen ears twitched as she could hear the Jotun in the next pass over.  “My ears,” she said, “you were right it seems we skirted the Jotun and saved some time by this route.  And just what do you mean by negotiation Norn are not known for their diplomacy.

“That is easy friend, Gixx says I’m an expert at hostile negotiations which of course just means people tend to see my point of view when I’m wielding my hammer and if they do not.  Well I simply become hostile and show them the error of their ways.”

Nix giggled and flattened her ears, she could feel vibrations coming from beneath her before she could hear him chanting.   She quickly recognized the chant as one of retreat and knew that the Norn sought to make up time.  She slipped her small hand under an exposed piece of leather that kept the Norn pauldrons in place.  She leaned in and yelled in his ear as an Asuran waypoint came into view.  “Why didn’t you tell me there was a waypoint here?  We could have used it without having to walk or run at all!”

The Norn laughed, “How can one build their legend or uphold their reputation by taking the safest and fastest way from one place to another? Besides I did all of the walking and running, so you shouldn’t complain.” he said.

“Norn, you’re all alike seeking to build your own glory when there are smarter ways to do things!” she retorted. A few more long strides and the Norn’s pace began to return to normal though he was still running.  He was clearly not chanting anymore.

“You’re not tired already are you?” she chided.

“Of course not little one, but you see if my friends were to see me come running at that rate, they might assume that something I cannot defeat is chasing me.  My legend is well-known here, I’d hate for them to raise an unnecessary alarm or think that I required aid from some dragon spawn foe.  That would be not only hard for them to believe but irresponsible for a hero of my caliber.” he added.

“And everyone accuses Asura of delusions of grandeur.”  she barked.

“Ah yes friend, but for Asura they are delusions for a Norn they are proven fact.  Just ask any bard singing by a Norn hearth.” Within seconds it seemed they were standing before a lodge.  Though it had no sign it was clear if one looked to the camp nearby that many travelers stopped to rest up here before trudging into the snowy peaks of Lornar’s Pass.

The smell of venison stew hung in the air Raven inhaled deeply and dramatically exhaled.  “I’m famished, come let’s find something to eat and perhaps a Norn Ale as well.  None brewed better since the likes of the Dwarves.

“You might be better served fixing that helmet of yours first Raven.” Nix suggested.

“Ah Anas!” Raven exclaimed as he stopped by the fur clad Norn, “How much to repair this dent?” he inquired.

“Two and half silver,” she said, barely taking time to look at the dent.

“You say that for almost every repair I bring you!” Raven said handing her the helm.
“It’s because you do so much damage to them, for one who enjoys telling tales, you certainly seem to bang up your gear.” she replied adding his helm to her work bench.

“Tales?” Nix inquired.

“Ah yes my little one,” Anas replied a little surprised to see the Asura looking down at her from Raven’s shoulder, “our friend here is quite the bard, well-known in this camp for consuming large quantities of ale and spinning tales.  There’s usually a pot going as to the truth in his tales.” she smiled happily.  “I won the last pot.  Turns out the big oaf was telling the truth!  Who’d have known?” she winked at Raven.

“Ah yes,” Raven replied, “the Tale of the Skull Lab.  If memory serves, my friend Lord Omnicron confirmed the legitimacy of that tale and by the way he says you still owe him for his cut in the winnings.  Watch that one, he has a long memory and never forgets especially where is wealth is impacted.” Raven replied with a playful nudge.  “How long until the helm is repaired?” he inquired.

“It should be done by sunrise tomorrow,” Anas replied, “provided you have the coin?”

“So no discounts?” Raven asked hopefully.

“Of course not,” she replied, “not even for the warrior bard of Raven’s Tall Tales.  That will buy you ale in this outpost but not services.” she concluded.

“Good then the first ale is on you?” he asked tossing her three silver coins.

“Since you’ve paid a few coppers too much, I’ll be glad to buy the first round.” she smiled tucking the coins into her coin purse.

“See you by the campfire,” he replied as they made their way to the heavenly smell of venison stew.

“Raven’s Tall Tales?” Nix asked.  “It sounds like you are well-known around here and none of the travelers can readily tell if you’re making the entire thing up or not.” she said as she nudged his large head with her elbow.

“Ah yes my new friend, there’s the rub isn’t it?  Perhaps if you’re so inclined to spend a few days you might hear a tale or two and try your hand at the pot for the gamblers.   I warn you though, it takes a few drinks to coax me into it, well if I play the game properly it does.”

“I will be all too happy to take their coin, it seems I am quite the gambler myself and I can usually tell when someone is bluffing.” she said.

“We shall see my new friend.” Raven said as she hopped from his shoulder near the campfire.  “We shall see.”

The post A Norn’s Tale appeared first on Gaming World Entertainment Network.

The Scavenger Hunt will be announced in-game and all entries most be emailed to scavenger@gw-en.com by 4 p.m CDT. All participants will be entered in a drawing to determine the winner unless of course we only have one person who can come up with the correct answers. Although the Queen assures me her subjects are up to the task and we will have many would be heroes that participate. A winner will be selected from both the American and European servers. Be sure to include which server you are on either American or European. The gem code will be emailed to you in-game so be sure to include your account name, example – JoePlumber.1564

Knowledge of the Gods

1.) The statue of Grenth carries a sickle in his hands?
2.) The statue of Melandru depicts a beautiful woman?
3.) The statue of Dwayna has her arms folded across chest?
4.) The statue of Lyssa depicts two women?
5.) How many wolves were sculpted in the statue of Balthazar?
6.) All the statues of the gods have inscriptions written by Malchor even the god Komir?

The written word ( the answers can be found around the city in various books and tomes )

1.) “Margonites, A history of their civilization before the fall.” What Quarter of Divinitys Reach is this book found in?
2.) “The Natural War” is a book which describes what?
3.) The book “Ancient Heroes of Ascalon:Asgard’s Final Stand” is found in what quarter in Divinitys Reach?
4.) The book “Cures for what Ales You” is a book about what?
5.) Who is the foremost scholar on the clash between humans and centaurs?

Good luck you searchers of knowledge and in your travels may you see and learn more about our great city.

- Queen Jennah

UPDATE: Congratulations to Gen Kidama and Adara Morrigan you were the winners! You will be contacted via email with your prize!!

The post Queen’s Scavenger Hunt! appeared first on Gaming World Entertainment Network.

We are starting on the Henge of Denravi (NA) and Desolation (EU) servers. You’ll be able to keep track of the weekly server by looking at the web player (at the top of the page). If an on-air host is not going to be in Guild Wars 2 for their show, they’ll let you know on-air or via our social media. We look forward to seeing you in-game again!

The post Weekly Guild Wars 2 Servers! appeared first on Gaming World Entertainment Network.

Tybalt Leftpaw: Ah, Tybalt… what I wouldn’t give to be able to buy this guy an apple cider everyday! You may be surprised to hear that some people don’t like this humble charr engineer. To all of those people… bah! What’s not to love? He is a bit of an underdog in the grand scheme of things and who doesn’t want to route for the underdog? His background is rather dark, a charr outcast, dealing with a disfigurement and depression, yet in spite of that he is quiet funny! I found him endearing the moment he was introduced. He starts off seemingly with little confidence but is eager to try. Then, with a little help from the player he soon plucks up the courage to be bold and believe in himself. I found his humour to be spot on. From the moment he told me to “be cool” right up until the moment he declares he is going to do something “right” for once in his life. Honestly, I could gush about Tybalt all day long. Possibly one of my favourite moments in any personal story chain is the “Down the Hatch” mission. The whole concept of pirate spies, partaking in a drinking competition, had already won me over. Pair that with the fact that you and Tybalt are terrible at being pirates and can only fluff your way through using every pirate sounding reference you can think of… I loved it!

Tybalt impersonating Demmi Bettlestone? Couldn’t stop giggling. I just…I just adored him and I know many others did! One of the few characters I was truly emotional invested in, not just in Guild Wars 2 but in any game. Must…stop…gushing. If anyone at ArenaNet has any sense, we’ll be able to have a Tybalt mini pet one day. For now, we will have to make do with the “Appleseller’s Lucky Cog” ascended item.

“I’m Two-Tibs A’whisker, and this is Bloodcovered Backstabbin’ Blackjack the Blade. Yarr. Raise the crow’s foot and rope down the jib-jabber-gabber…thingy.” - Tybalt Leftpaw

Lord Faren: Mr Fancy Pants from Divinity’s Reach who is rich you know. I feel I might be in a minority with this one as he is only briefly a part of the story, which is a shame. On paper he is the kind of character I’d expect to hate but his grand pomposity actually won me over. A combination of a few choice words and some insider jokes with guidlies made Lord Faren a memorable character to me. No other character has a “fighting coiffure”. Which I believe is a hairstyle, although I’m not sure how one styles their hair specifically to battle but that’s the point! He is just too ridiculous, with his vast ego and snooty attitude. Without people like Lord Faren in the world of Tyria, who else would tell the delinquents and free loaders to begone?! No one, and then where would be be? Over run by peasants I say!

“And if you know any fair maidens, be sure to tell them who rescued you: the dashing Lord Faren” – Lord Faren

Captain Weyandt: You chuckled a bit, admit it! The rambling ghost pirate that provides a side of entrainment during a jump puzzle. Discovering this jump puzzle for the first time was rewarding. It’s fairly hidden away but you are given a swift kick on to the path that ultimately leads you there. Visually, it’s a lovely place, an area that had me saying “oh wow this is cool” the moment I clambered back out of the water! The quirky tails from a ghostly pirate were just the icing on this particular cake. It would be easy to take out your jump puzzle frustrations on Captain Weyandt, as he forgets which way to go and even taunts you a little bit but I was amused. I get the impression that Captain Weyandt could talk for hours, there is probably 10 or so stories to be told about Chompy his pet shark. Countless tales about his 11 wifes and plenty of adventures he had with Shane to share. Who knows, maybe one day he’ll haunt another area and regale us with more.

“Now that one could cook, but then she’d go sharin’ her biscuits all around town while I was at sea.” - Captain Weyandt

Wark: Not all loveable characters are found in the personal story or dungeon cut scenes.You can find many interesting characters just wondering around. Wark is an asuran you can find in Blazeridge Steppes who is on a quest to make perfume. For some reason Wark thinks the power of Harpy pheromones is his ticket to success and attraction. Actually I’ve just realised, in some ways he is the asuran version of Lord Faren. Instead of just declaring he is handsome and everyone loves him, he declares he is a genius and is going to make everyone love him. Naturally as an asuran he tends to put every one and every thing down. Even though there isn’t much dialouge to go on and he isn’t exactly an indepth character, I found Wark and the event he triggers very enjoyable. For me it was one of those moments, after you have slogged through mutiple events in a zone killing this that and the other, you suddenly find yourself pleasantly surprised by something a little different and refreshing. If you haven’t done this dynamic event or simply didn’t pay attention, I urge you to find Wark and judge for yourselves.

“Who would buy a product that gives you harpies?” – Wark

Wozmack the Wonderful: Wozmack can be easily missed if you are not one to stop and smell the pixel roses. While doing your human personal story (Noble) you may not have noticed him. Even when he appears at the end of the personal story, its after some time has passed. This is probably why I like Wozmack. I respect a game that rewards a player for exploring a little bit further then expected. I enjoy all the slightly hidden references in Guild Wars 2 and the small characters who server little purpose but have still be given some thought. Wozmack the Wonderful is a magican you can find in the “Hero of Shaemoor” personal story mission. To be frank, he is a pitiful magician, the small gathering of people he performs to are less then impressed by his tricks. He is so bad, if a player really wanted to (with the right profession and consumable) they could perform most of his tricks themselves. It’s a case of, it’s so bad its good. If like me, you hung around enjoying the music played during the celebration of Zhaitan’s defeat, you would have seen him again. There is just something about dancing moas that makes me happy.

“Come one, come all, and prepare to be amazed!” - Wozmack the Wonderful

Even though there is a place on a longer list for in depth and serious characters, I often find myself leaning toward the silly and humours. I was genuinely sad when Tybalt died, so I had to over compensate with dancing moas, rambling ghosts and a perfumer! Who would be in your top five?

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